Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
