I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
