Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
