The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
