everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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