im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
