and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
