Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
