I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
