sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
