Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
