sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
