god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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