two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
