if you like me you must not know who I am
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
