why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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