I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tequila makes me forget i have legs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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