You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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