Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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