Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
