Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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