Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
