OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
