As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
