theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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