I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
