I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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