I only kidnapped one of them. chill
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
