i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
