they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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