Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I FOUND THE LEGS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
