What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
