I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
