dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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