If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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