I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I believe in your delicious
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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