put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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