Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
