But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
