i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
