I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
