i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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