my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
