My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
