thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
