best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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