Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
