DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
