i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
