Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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