The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
