I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
