I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am spending my child support on dildos
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
