after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
