that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
