Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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