You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
