: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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