So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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