i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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