i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
