I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Less talking, more tequila
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
