he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
