Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
