Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
