You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i think my cat just said my name.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
