if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
