I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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