i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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