she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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