so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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