Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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