hotel room ftw
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
