I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
